Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Jail-fucking-bait. Jack-fucking-pot

I wish i could get some new clothes too.

And some new shoes.

I am bored.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I can feel it in my bones

I am just going to lose it. I can feel my cool just getting ready to be lost.

I need something, new shoes, a tattoo, new hair color.

Something for ME. I don't get a whole lot of me time, I never get to get away and have superduper fun on my own.

Or atleast maybe some more help at home. Sometimes I just need to walk away and collect myself but I never get that moment becuase in between naps I need to clean or wash my face or do laundry.

I never even have the energy anymore

Thursday, July 22, 2010

This place is toxic and trashy

I am so ready to move and get away from every fucking person here. I don't need to be surrounded by people who just step on you.

I went to Jakes moms house this weekend. It was alot of fun. Sunday we all just hung out, ate dinner, bought Adrien a new stroller, and then watched 4 episodes of Dexter. Monday we took a trip to San Fransisco. Adrien had a ball and it was nice to get out. Then we went home..watched more Dexter. Tuesday Jake went to get his chestpiece worked on and His mom, sisters and I + Adrien went back to SanFran to Pier 39 to frolic about. We pretended to be tourists, made fun of Dani's purple maryjanes and oogled at glass jellyfish. Then we went home and watched MORE dexter. Wednesday we stayed home all day and just hung out, ate cookies...watched Dexter. Then they watched Adrien and Me and Jake went out to have alone time. We went to the mall and bought some shirts and dinner. Then went home, packed up the car and went to bed. Woke up 4am and drove home and here I am

Its funny how automatic this feeling is. I was content and happy and totally stress free until the 5 turned back into the 405 and it got gloomy and I had to pee. Once i walked through the front door and saw the house was a mess. Obviously my brother disregarded the note i left him asking to please clean the house.
Now I am just pissed[not at my brother..im just irritated with him] I was happy last night sleeping in the bed in our soon to be apartment and now I am back in the southbay and I am just so mad. I hate being here. and aside from JUST my family, I hate EVERY goddamn person here. No damn exceptions. UGH I am so frustrated. I left my problems here and had a good vacation but they were waiting for me once i walked through that door.

We may be moving ALOT sooner than November now.
I hope maybe in a month or so. Just gotta build up the heart strenght and rid myself of this fucking ppd.


Saturday, July 17, 2010

You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul

Something about that is just so wrong.

Jake and I are FINALLY taking a vacation and going to his moms this weekend. Its going to be great fun but its also going to be sad in the begininng. I know its going to pull Jake's heartstrings walking into his moms house when Rocky isnt there to greet him [or more like run to see who is at the door then run away once we walk inside ] :( Ill miss the little bugger too. I'll never forget my very first visit there, the day we arrived Jake and I went to his room to take a short nap and Rocky came to the room with us and got on the bed and layed right on top of me :]
Its so sad when you lose a dog, I cant imagin how Jakes mom must feel..that was her little furbaby. He went with here everywhere and now he is gone. She needs another dog, a little puppy to keep her busy everyday and heal the hurt from Rocky.

Maybe I'll FINALLY get my foot tattoo this weekend too!...yeah right...Jake is getting his chestpiece finished...there wont be time for mine :[

Oh well, gotta finish packing and taking care of le bebe. Later d00dz

[RIP Rocky, we all loved you]

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

No motivation

i need to loose alot of weight and so far my motivation to do so is pure shit

It doesnt help that I am home alone 80% of the time so barely have the help i need with Adrien so i can get my life back on track.

I dont want to go to Jakes moms house this weekend for 4 days. Not that I don't like his family..i just feel so insecure there. His mom and sisters are all in shape and little.

I used to be like that but now i look gross and i just hate being next to them. It makes me feel awful about myself. I tried loosing 10lbs by saturday but I am just not doing something right

plus ppd doesnt give me the energy i deserve. I should really make a doctor appt.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Thanks for the offer but it doesn help much. He is going to be asleep by the time you get home anyways =/

I need a day off. I am doing this on my own most of the day and its wearing me out
one day. its all i ask for

Friday, July 2, 2010

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are

that is my new favorite song. Doesn't hold any special meaning to me I just think its pretty
and the girl who sings has an amazing voice. Like dark chocolate.

nothing new happens. gooday